Understand Your Worth – How You Value Yourself
Little consideration is given to the inner values of a person when defining one’s success, such as integrity, kindness, love, forgiveness, emotional intelligence and inner balance.
In contrast, an excessive value is placed on the outward appearances of success by society, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status or career. This creates a definition of success based on outward appearances, which results in a warped sense of self-worth.
Chances are that certain outward appearances of success can trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others. Only when you question your reasons, you realise that you have unconsciously placed value on these outward appearances and used them to determine your own self-worth. Otherwise speaking, how much money you own, what kind of car you drive, how attractive you are, or your occupation, have become the meaning of your self-worth.
Such comparisons will leave you feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you rank yourself on society’s scale of success.
The Problems With Outward Appearances
Take a moment for yourself and write down all the outward appearances that you have unconsciously made as a measurement for your inner self-worth. Realise how they all require you to compare yourself to others or to seek outside approval in order to determine your value.
In addition to that, outward appearances are quick to change, and therefore, are not absolute. The problem is, that if you use such measurements to define your self-worth, then you aim at a constant moving target because there will always be someone richer, more attractive, more materially successful than you.
A study in the Journal of Social Issues found that college students who based their self-worth on outward appearances, such as academic performance, and approval of society were more likely to be stressed and frustrated. Also, these students had more relationship and academic issues, as well as higher use of drugs and alcohol. Furthermore, the same study found that students who placed their self-worth on inner aspects, such as staying true to their morals, were generally happier and healthier.
Sadly, the value that society places on outward appearances are fuelled by the ignorance that everything people experience in the outside world has its place in the inner world. Clinging to the appearances and using them to judge your own worth by comparing to others are all products of the mind. It’s your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them.
Comparing yourself to others keep your thoughts focussed on the very circumstances that you most likely want to change and, by the Law of Attraction, you actually create more of the same.
The Paradox Of Valuing Outward Appearances
Notice how you value yourself is an actual reflection of how you value others. So, if you have placed value on money as a symbol of success, then in your assessment, people with more money are to be admired more than those with less. The same applies to physical appearance, material possessions, marital status, and career.
Ironically, the very people who you admire most are also the people you envy most when their outward appearances outdo yours. Therein lies the paradox – whatever you admire most, you must also envy.
Find Out What You Really Value
It should be clear by now that it is pointless to base your self-worth on outward appearances. The next question is, what should you base it on instead?
Start by making a list of all those human qualities that you value. Here are some examples: personal integrity, kindness, self-confidence, honesty, self-conviction, self-love, the ability to show love, being true to oneself, a sense of humour, affection, gratitude and so on. Also, the ability to use and display any one emotion appropriately, at the right time and in an appropriate manner.
Now, compare this list of values to your original list of outward appearances that you have been using up until now as your measurement for self-worth. Which list holds your true values?
Here’s a spoiler, it’s the one that makes you feel an inner sense of calm and power that cannot be disturbed by outward forces or opinions. It’s the list of human values. The more you associate yourself with the real you that is your inner self, the more such human values will define you.
Rewrite The Definition Of Succes?
Write down your own definition of success, including all those qualities you admire, and use it as your new measurement for success. Do make sure that your definition of success is about you, not about others, or how you compare to them or what they may think of you. Then, print it out and place it somewhere where you can see it every day. Read it every day and attempt to make it your way of life.
There is rarely a career promotion for the kindest person in the office or for the person with the greatest integrity. You will find that people do not compete in inward appearances, because these qualities belong to the higher self, which stands above society’s stereotypical definitions of success. Your higher self knows that it’s pointless to compete in self-worth.
- How do you measure your self-worth?
- Does it align with your values?
- How would you rewrite the definition of success?
Have your say in the comment section 🙂
AND if you like this blog, don't forget to Like and Share, and subscribe to my Weekly Newsletter.
Share this:
- Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
- More
- Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
- Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
- Click to print (Opens in new window)
Related
Tags In
Related Posts
50 Comments
Leave a Reply Cancel reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Disclosure
Transparency is important, and that is why we want to make clear to our dear readers that this weblog may contain affiliate links. This means we earn a small commission on items sold through this site. There is NO additional cost to you on any of these items. Please see our full Legal & Privacy page for further information.
Hi! I’m so glad I’ve stumbled on this blog :)) I’ve been trying to find good blogs related to topics that I’m interested in such as personal development etc.. Btw, I also really like how the layout of your website is optimised for your users. For example, how the homepage has your newest posts in ‘blocks’, making it easier to navigate and read more of your content. I’m also trying to change the design of my site so that it’s more user-friendly – but I assume yours is a theme thing and I can’t change this by code? Thanks in advance 🙂
Hi Shin, thanks for dropping by 🙂 I’m indeed using a paid theme for my webstite. The theme’s name is ‘Jevelin’. I’ll take a look at your website this week. I see you have great topics about minimalism, sustainability and personal development.
Ooh thanks for your quick reply! I saw how your latest post was in May, so wasn’t expecting it haha. Btw I’m very new to this whole blogging thing (been always on YT): I was wondering if you have some blogs that you’d recommend? (Preferably related to our shared topic interests!) I’ve seen you often in the comments of other blogs 🙂
Haha, I’m quite active when it comes to social interaction. I see, I’m curious about your YT channel 🙂 Hmm… I follow various blogger due to their blogging style and not particular their niche topic. Many of them are guest bloggers on this website, which you can find here https://ye-chen.com/projects/unfold-series/
Oh haha I don’t upload videos, just a lurker 🙂 Right, I should probably go check your guest posts. Thanks!
Oh I see haha 🙂 yeah let me know if you’re interested to be part of ‘Unfold Series’ project.
Great topic. I’ll be reading more for sure!
Thanks Kendra 🙂
Love this blog. Made me reflect on myself.
Hi Marie, thank you 🙂
Excellent article about an important topic. The more we learn to love and accept ourselves (regardless of the external) the more love and acceptance we have for others.
Hi Karletta, thank you! 🙂
I’ve been struggling with family that only respects the opinions of those that have a larger bank account. Since I am not one of them they treat me like my opinion doesn’t matter. Other family members go to the wealthier family members for everything because they must believe the more money you make the smarter you are. For example the go to the wealthier member for marriage advice yet the wealthier member has been married 5xs. I’ve been married 28years and 3years dealing with my spouses drug addiction and his recovery. Yet we don’t know what we are talking about because we are not wealthy. It kinda hurts but I guess I should be thankful I don’t have to deal with drama of them always coming to me and value my own success and know that we are great people.
Hi Karie, I’m sorry to hear that. See it this way, giving advice is a gift in itself, because we care and we don’t expect anything in return. It depends on them whether they use it or not, if not, it’s their loss. I think the reason it hurts is because you care for them. Maybe, hopefully some day, they will come to their senses. It’s great you’re valuing your own success 🙂
YES! This is such a great reminder for everyone at every stage of their career!! It’s so hard to focus sometimes and stay in your own lane…especially online, we all tend to compare ourselves to what others are doing. Thanks for the great advice!
Hi Kate, absolutely, so the more reason we need to understand our inner worth 🙂 Great to hear from you again!
So well written, You’re so right 🙂 Thank you for the great reminder.
Thanks Van Cast 🙂 You’re welcome!
Wow this so true and so interesting. Even though we try not to judge people by their physical appearance, we all do it anyway. Just the other day my boyfriend went to the bank and he was wearing a suit. There was a long queue but a bank employee came straight up to him and asked how she could help out. So crazy !
Hi Sam, unfortunately, we do. I hope others in line didn’t make a fuss about it. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Very thought-provoking post. Many times we all focus on outer appearance and polish, and completely ignore our inner self. Great read. Thanks!
Thanks Mariam 🙂
Very well written. Success is a big kick in the teeth for me. I have been taught that success is measured on the number in your bank account, and not by how fulfilled you feel in life. After having come up against some hard times, I am now trying to rebuild my life again from the ground up, this time with the intention of being happy. But society will always see me as a failure who coped out when things got hard.
Hi Nyxie, I hope the life you’re building now will be the one you will be happy in it. And let’s take the society out of the equation for the time being 🙂 Focus on building your happiness.
A very true post! Polishing oneself in various aspects of life lead to a successful and meaningful life! Self or personal development is the key to success!
Hi Julia, I couldn’t agree more 🙂
Thank you for this. It is very informative and I will certainly use some of your tips to redefine my worth.
Hi Charlotte, you’re welcome! That’s great, looking forward to what you’ve made of it 🙂
I like you touch on how everyone has different values and definitions of success. It’s not cookie cutter and i believe society seems to define it one way or another. it all depends on what each individual values that determines their success. Great article.
Hi Eric, you hit the nail on the head 🙂 thank you!
Thank you so much for writing this beautiful & insightful post. Much needed in today’s world. Keep up the excellent work!
Hi Denise, thanks for your kind words 🙂
Hello, I think about this often and how people often miss the mark in defining what’s most important in life. Thanks for the interesting, insightful read! Melissa
Hi Melissa, thank you 🙂
I am actually in the process of trying to connect with myself and manifest my goals. I am struggling but still trying! Thank you for this, your questions were really helpful.
Hi Krisy, you’re very welcome! It’s great to hear you’re on your way 🙂 If you have questions, feel free to contact me.
This post has really made me think. As much as I wish I didn’t, I do value outward appearances. I definitely value inward appearances, but I need to refocus and make a list of my values as you suggested. One of my favourite parts of this post is, “Therein lies the paradox – whatever you admire most, you must also envy”. I believe that is extremely true for myself.
Hi Malinda, thanks for dropping by 🙂 to admire someone isn’t wrong or anything, it depends on your motive for making such a comparison: Are you comparing out of fear and insecurity, or out of the desire to improve? And this is very important 🙂
Wow!!! This is such a great article. I love what you said about rewriting the definition of success, so many times people think they have to do exactly what everyone else is doing to be a success. But that is so not true.
Hi Anna, thank you! We get sucked up by what the scociety is telling us instead of what we should be telling ourselves what success means. This is just a small reminder to some 🙂
What a great message.
It’s so easy to get caught up in society’s idea of what “value” is, rather than discovering your own true value and honouring it in the best way you can.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi Danielle, thank you 🙂 My thoughts exactly. Thanks for stopping by!
Yes, this is such an important concept! When I taught in high school, one of the activities I did with my students was to have them create their own list of their top 10 personal values, and reflect on what ways their current actions and lifestyle do or do not align with their values. Then generate actionable goals for how they can adjust things to align better with their personal goals. We discussed the idea that to feel good about yourself, you need to align yourself with your personal values, and that our emotions are tools to guide us to better alignment. Pleasant emotions tell us we are aligning well; unpleasant emotions signal areas where we are out of alignment. However, it never occurred to me to use the word “success” in there anywhere. But it’s true. The closer we are aligned with our own personal values, the more successful we are. That’s the only “real” success that matters!
Hi Rebecca, that’s an amazing activity! How did the students react to the activity and do you see a change in any of their beheviour? Thanks for your elaborative story 🙂
I’ve struggled with society’s definition of success. Society taught me that success is based on how much money you have, how big your house is, what kind of car you drive and other material aspects. It’s only recently that I defined my own version of success. To me, success is how many people I have been able to help for the better.
Hi Disha, great to hear from you again! And thanks for sharing your definition of success, very inspirational 🙂
Hadn’t really thought about how true that paradox naturally lies in us as humans! I have a similar viewpoint as well.
Hi Becca, me neither until I did some research on it 🙂
Great Outlook on life.
Thanks Tj!