Once More, Walk Into A Room And Own It
Losing your confidence or self-esteem at work, it’s something that happens to everyone eventually. You lose a job, perform badly at a task, receive hard-hitting feedback, or any other setbacks you may encounter. It sucks, and if it’s bad enough, your very vision of yourself gets a punch in the face. Then you can even begin to wonder what your strengths really are.
From experience, I know that when it comes to confidence or self-esteem, only one opinion truly matters — your own. And even that one should be carefully assessed because we tend to be our own harshest critics.
Male And Female
According to research, more women suffer from a lack of confidence than men. In 2011, the Institute of Leadership and Management surveyed British managers about how confident they feel in their current jobs. Shockingly, 50% of the female managers expressed doubts about their job performance, whereas less than 33% of male managers expressed the same doubts.
In another study by Brenda Major, a social psychologist at the University of California at Santa Barbara, she discovered that men consistently overestimated their abilities and performance on a variety of tasks and that women habitually underestimated both.
All things considered, for both men and women, there’s plenty of insecurity to go around. And given the importance of confidence, if we lose it, how can we get it back?
The key to boosting confidence is to rise above others’ and especially your own distorted images of yourself. Unfortunately, it isn’t controlled with a simple on-off switch. Instead, it’s a continuous stream of mental strength that you need to sustain.
Here are five strategies to boost your confidence when you need it most:
1. Continue To Take Risks, Even In Hard Times
You must be declaring me for being insane but hear me out.
When we come face to face with failure, we often want to take ourselves out of the game, lick our wounds, and avoid risk. That’s what the most of us do and that’s the worst thing we can do. No matter the size of the risk, we suddenly see everything as a threat, even the smallest things, because our brain is wired to protect us from harm.
Before you realise the situation you’re in, you stopped taking action and inaction is keeping you stuck in the space of loss. It is the action which can create success and, in turn, confidence. As Winston Churchill famously said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
In my earlier blog ‘Better Odds Await The Risk Taker’ I discussed why we over-estimate negative probabilities and why the odds of it going right, are often far better. It will be worth the read.
2. Get Appreciation-Infused Perspective
If a failure stings deep enough, it can overtake our thoughts and escalate mind-blowingly fast.
Stop! Take a step back, zoom-out and see the bigger picture. For example, did you lose a promotion? Think about how many successes you’ve had to get to the place you are today. One promotion lost in a career is not a dead end.
Appreciation is your remedy here, so follow up with seeking out friends and colleagues who appreciate what you do. If you can share the failure in a safe environment, you can gain the viewpoint that others have of you. We are always, and we continue to be our harshest critics.
3. Avoid The Compare-And-Despair Trap
One of the reasons that failure hurts is that we are concerned about what others will think of us.
Wisely, we may know that it doesn’t matter, but we just have to be stubborn and look at Facebook behaviour to see how comparative we all are. Comparisons will only lead us further down the negative self-talk spiral, which further leads to anxiety and stress. It can negatively affect our mental health as well as other areas of our lives next to our jobs, such as relationships and physical health.
If your failure results in someone else’s success, try not to make it a total loss. Back to the promotion example, losing a promotion now doesn’t mean you won’t get one later. Shift your thoughts by coming from a place of abundance. So, what if this one didn’t go your way? There are more opportunities.
4. See Value In Learning From Failure
No one can be perfect all the time, and we all fail – that’s part of life whether you like it or not. However, there are opportunities within failure if we dig deep and see it as a chance to learn. If we can reframe and see the advantage, we may even find a positive message lying hidden inside.
It really is about the journey. Failure teaches us lifelong lessons because we improve, and we get stronger and tougher. We learn more about ourselves because we gain perspective. When you learn from failures, remember to not hide them because showing vulnerability can actually make you more influential and inspiring to others.
We are drawn to those who have failed and gone on to success. Would you believe that someone attains success without failing? It’s naïve to reason this way don’t you think?
5. Remember, You Are Not Your Circumstances
Learning to differentiate between our circumstances and who we are is vital for boosting our self-worth. When we recognise our inner worth and appreciate our imperfection, it will provide the secure foundation for growth. We all have infinite potential and equal worth as human beings since birth. That we are anything less is a false belief that we have learned over time.
Therefore, with hard work and self-compassion, self-destructive views and beliefs can be untaught.
- How confident are you in your job?
- How is your confident holding you back from success?
- Are there other strategies that you use to boost confidence?
Have your say in the comment section 🙂
AND if you like this blog, don't forget to Like and Share, and subscribe to my Weekly Newsletter.
Share this:
- Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
- More
- Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
- Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
- Click to print (Opens in new window)
Related
Related Posts
39 Comments
Leave a Reply to Jen Cancel reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Disclosure
Transparency is important, and that is why we want to make clear to our dear readers that this weblog may contain affiliate links. This means we earn a small commission on items sold through this site. There is NO additional cost to you on any of these items. Please see our full Legal & Privacy page for further information.
A great post! We all fail and will fail and I think it’s how you learn to deal with these that will set you apart!!!
Thank you 🙂 exactly. Failure sets you up for a comeback.
Exactly… fall but then get back up again and don’t dwell on the past too much. The only thing you can change is the future.
This is a great article! I’m always scarred of trying to find a new job that will be my dreams. I’m worried I’m not good enough. Taking steps to acknowledge what you contribute and getting rid of the negativity helps. thanks for sharing!
Hi Cristina, that’s right 🙂 Maybe this blog of mine can help you to shifting your mind to being good enough https://ye-chen.com/undo-the-lie-of-not-being-good-enough/
.I used to walk into a room and own it once and I really want to do this once more; My confidence is all but gone. Had it not been that I believe in my self I would have been utterly destroyed. This statement could not come at better time; a time when I returning the place of my breaking.
I agree, we are often our own worst critics and what everyone else is thinking is probably nowhere near as bad as we think it is. It is so easy to lose confidence, and it can take so long to build it back up again.
Hi Candice, exactly!
That was much needed for me. Thank you ^_^
You’re welcome Farheen. I’m glad it helps 🙂
This is very timely for me as I recently found myself in an unexpected work related situation. Thanks for the uplift!
Hi Shirley, you’re welcome and if you want some help on how to deal with such situations, feel free te contact me 🙂
Thanks for sharing this! We dont know how fear limits us from reaching our potentials in life. 🙂
“You are not your circumstances”, absolutely! Way bigger than those, than our thoughts, than our emotions. Great reminder! Together with the importance of vulnerability. + Love your writing style!
Hi Lydia, thank you so much 😀
Loved this article!! I had no idea about the percentage difference between men and women! I always thought would be pretty much even.
Hi Ana, thank you 🙂 I was suprised as well about this.
I love this post! You wrote it beautifully and from what I see a lot of research was put into this article. Great job!
Thanks Diana, it was worth all the effort 🙂
#3 and #4 resonate with me. Great post!!!
Thanks Sonila 🙂
This is a wonderful Piece of insight on failure and our views of it. That you, very sobering and much needed!
Hi Racheal, thank you 🙂
I have an interview tomorrow. Going back to work after a year and really needed to ace the interview. This post certainly helped. Thankyou for the awesome advice Chen. Really needed it.
Hi Nida, best of luck with your interview tomorrow. I’m glad it helped and you’re very welcome! 🙂 Rock that interview tomorrow!
This is great advice! It reminds me a lot of Positive Intelligence – avoiding your inner Saboteurs, as they are only looking for you to fail; when we allow ourselves to see the successes, no matter how small, or even the joys in failing, we can grow so much more! Keep up the great content!
Thanks Alex! That’s certainly true. Unfortunately, many of us struggle with this fear of failure because we choose to focus on it. You described it just perfectly here: “When we allow ourselves to see the successes, no matter how small, or even the joys in failing, we can grow so much more!” 🙂
Such great tips. I often struggle with comparing myself to others. I love your advice to “shift your thoughts by coming from a place of abundance.” I”m definitely going to work on that!
Thanks Jen! I’m glad to hear that 🙂
Great advice especially since I’m in the querying trenches and enduring lots of rejections. I keep revising and working with my eye on the prize!
Hi Susie, thanks! Love your awesome attitude 🙂
Great post. Walking into a room and taking control is absolutely important for everyone especially people that wants to become leaders. I like the tips that you shared in the post. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Bola, thank you 🙂
This is really inspiring Ye Chen, thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks Sania 🙂
Really enjoy the part about appreciation! I think we too often get caught up in a victim mentality and lose sight of all the blessings and accomplishments in our life!
Hi Jeremy, exactly! Sometimes, we just need to take a step back 🙂 Thanks!
Excellent advice, thanks for sharing!
Hi Amy, you’re welcome 🙂