For years I have been struggling to accept some things of myself. Things such as accepting that I make mistakes and that I can fail. Or, that other people do it better than me while I don’t understand why. And always having the urge to prove myself towards other people, because I don’t accept those things about myself – I became a perfectionist who is never allowed to do something wrong. It makes me look bad at myself and only more difficult to learn from my mistakes because it makes me angry.

 

Leaving My University

Since I decided to leave the University, I have been struggling even more with this. I lost myself in the feeling that I couldn’t do anything, even when I put my mind to it and put all my effort into succeeding. I ended up with a horrible feeling of “I wasn’t good enough” and this thought crushed my self-esteem. I could not live up to the standards of University. And I also couldn’t really find the reason why nothing worked.

So, I started working because the urge of proving myself got big. But it backfired and got me in an even worse place than before. “Would I be able to do my job right? Or, why would people see my potential when I’m not even able to finish University?” You see…, I can be a mess, and it came to a point where I needed to change something to find the happy me again.

 

My Dad’s Book

A few years ago, my dad did some training for his job. He was so excited because he was asked to read a book, which in the end gave him a totally new view of his job and how he worked. He did the same with me, asked me to read this book. Of course, at that point, I wasn’t really interested when he told me to read it and I actually didn’t read it until a few weeks ago. I have been away for about three and a half weeks on holiday and before I went I promised myself three things:

  1. Work and my job were two topics that I was not going to talk about.
  2. To take rest and really find the old me back, and
  3. Read a book to keep myself busy, but also to learn something that I was interested in.

Well, when I promised this to myself, I instantly was thinking about what book to read. Being honest with you, if I could choose, I would only read cooking books and cook all day. But that wasn’t really what I was aiming for. I walked through my parent’s home, looking at all the books and I suddenly saw the book my dad was selling me a few years ago. I picked it up and looked at the title, ‘Mindset, changing the way you think to fulfil your potential.’ by Dr Carol S. Dweck.

Reading it, literally changed my mindset within two minutes.

 

Fixed Or Growth Mindset

The book is about the mindset that people have. Everything is based on research, and they found out that people (not just adults, but even 4-year-old children) can have two types of mindsets. One is the fixed-mindset (this turns out to be mostly me) and the growth mindset. Let me start by saying that it is not wrong to have either a fixed or growth mindset. A lot of people have a combination of both.

People with a growth mindset see the world in a different way. They tend to see failure as something to learn from, they like to get challenges and work harder when something is not going as planned. People with a fixed mindset are, well, tougher on themselves. They have the need to prove themselves (me), do not want to fail or make a mistake (me), see themselves as dumb people when something goes wrong (me) and they rely on the skills and intelligence that they have instead of learning from mistakes and grow to become a better version of themselves.

Unfortunately (in my eyes) I am a real fixed-minded person… I almost do everything according to the book. I always have to prove myself; I get angry when it is not working as it should; I’m afraid to make mistakes and feel that people find me dumb when I make mistakes. This book opened my eyes! I realised that I come from a world of people with fixed mindsets and I developed it from an early age.

 

Let Me Tell You One Thing

Being naturally good at something does not mean that people who do not have this ability are not able to become good at it! My mother in law is a perfect example of this. She always says: “You are who you are, and we have to accept that.” She feels like people are not able to change.

Well, I beg the differ! With hard work and some good motivation, everyone can grow and become better at what they do. You don’t have to be a born with natural skills to be good at something and reach your goals and live your dreams.

This book is already an important part of my life, and it brought me three main life lessons that I will never forget:

  1. You are always able to change your mindset and learn from your mistakes.
  2. It is good to make mistakes because it shows that you’re a normal human being and helps you grow and motivates you to do your best next time.
  3. Never pass on a challenge because it is scary or new! This only brings you a great learning experience and will help you grow as a person.

And one bonus life lesson that I will never forget, I have nothing to prove to nobody! I do my job, I make sure that everything is arranged and when it goes wrong or I have no idea what I have to do, I simply ask for help! It helps me to get things in perspective. Life isn’t always against you, it just helps you to get better.

 

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Hi! My name is Amber. I am a young woman with the urge to succeed in life. Even though it is not always easy, I keep going and learn a lot from others and myself. My motto is: Life is too short to eat things I don’t like, and this keeps me healthy and happy!

I love to write, this is for myself because it helps me to get things out of my mind and it hopefully helps others to realise that they are not alone. You can find me on Medium, where I recently started sharing my stories.

My goal? Starting my own business in online marketing and do things that I love to do!