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I’m sure that there are millions of people out there, looking back wishing that they had just told the truth on that day which could have gone so differently.

Honesty is crucial to a healthy relationship with yourself and others. It can help you resolve issues where you find yourself stuck with for the longest time. All at once, you can find a way to forgive yourself and deepen your relationships with the people who surround you. So, why hide from the truth?

It’s clear that without being honest with yourself you won’t be honest with others. It’s not just a behaviour, it’s a way of life. It’s not about avoiding obstacles, it’s about working with them to achieving clarity on where you stand and show mutual understanding. And once we gain clarity, we can communicate truthfully in a more productive and positive manner.


“Mutual understanding is the main backbone of every happy relationship.” — Edmond Mbiaka


Start With Fear, End With Fear

I have come to realise that dishonesty starts with ourselves. It starts when we can’t settle a difficult experience and the first lie is always the one we tell ourselves “it didn’t happen.” or “it didn’t happen like that”. We avoid these realities because we’re afraid of how these experiences will make us feel.

Thinking back, my reason for lying was that I’d rather live with the long-term consequences of lying to myself and others than face the temporary pain of the truth. So, I suppressed the truth with a lie to keep the pain away — that pain could be a family’s disappointment or a friend’s rage. That one decision has determined my life to live with pain and fear.


“One’s fate is the cause-and-effect of one’s decision.”


Lying Is Always Selfish

I often came from the idea of “small lies don’t matter” or “I lie to protect the feelings of others”. That’s the part of the lie I told myself to make it easier. I lied to protect myself from the pain and consequences that I expected to experience from their feelings or even my own judgment. Lying is always selfish and it has never done anyone any good.

When we face life’s traumas, especially the big ones such as relationship, financial security, or our health, we become frozen in place while time passes by. We rarely give ourselves enough time to process the hard lessons of the situation. We may grieve for a split second, and then we hit the bottle to numb ourselves and it’s on with life.


“Every lie begins with the phrase, ‘Because I’m selfish’.” — Ken Poirot


Living In Our Own World

Sadly, we’re always the first victims of our lies. We live in our own little world of self-created lies and avoid the truth of what is expected from our life experience. This drains great energy and creates an even greater amount of stress. Some even turn to illegal or prescript drugs, but the problem here is that drugs only preserve our dishonesty because they give us the false impression that everything is “fine”.

There is a lack of conscious thoughts, which provides truth and understanding surrounding our situations. Without these, we easily fall back into old habits. Therefore, we must pursue to think and feel to fully integrate the experience.


“The most dangerous lies are the lies you tell yourself.”


The Truth Will Set You Free

Honesty is all about telling the emotional truth in any situation. When you can be honest with yourself, you can be honest with others. Dishonesty is always the result of avoiding pain or fear at some level. This leads to lying and even secrecy and denial.

As social and spiritual beings, we’re hardwired for honesty. We have the instinct to search for answers and make sense of things. We’re all connected to truth on a fundamental, physical and spiritual level. It’s part of who we are, and we instinctively reject dishonesty.

Therefore, to forgive ourselves for lying to others requires that we stop lying to ourselves first. It means clearing up our conscious anxieties and the endurance that we’ve put in place to protect us from pain or fear. Forgiveness happens when we find and remove the barriers we’ve created for ourselves against the temporary pain we didn’t think we could survive. Forgiveness is a choice, so is lying.

Next time, choose the hurtful truth, rather than a comfortable lie.


  • How often have you told a comfortable lie to avoid realities?
  • In what situations will you tell the hurtful truth?
  • Is it easier for you to tell the hurtful truth or a comfortable lie?


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