A Divorce Pushed Me To Where I Am Now
My story started out with pursuing this picture-perfect dream of being a wife, mother, buying a huge house, having cars and just breezing through the days with my perfect life.
I didn’t grow up in a very family-oriented environment, so I looked to the television and books to give me what an ideal family should be for a woman. I was determined to beat the odds that my family history consisted of instability, anger, lies, jealousy, and pretending.
Looking back, it seems that right after college, I went right into trying to obtain this image.
Truthfully, I didn’t really “live my life” like most would say I should have. I have never got to really know myself fully. I didn’t really learn of my desires, my goals, my character, my likes, my dislikes, my style, or anything that a person should already have confidence in before getting into a relationship.
Growing Up
Due to a troublesome childhood, I was so focused on experiencing the perfect family idea to where it was all I had in mind. Yes, even with me going to college.
I had gotten my associates degree and was introduced to church around this time, so I put my energy and focus into living the “right” life and hoping to find a corporate job. I just knew with me now following God, I was definitely on my way to living that family life I always dreamed of. It felt like I was on my way to breaking generational curses and showing my family that we are NOT the same.
Funny thing is, I also never wanted to be a housewife, but being my own boss was never a thought process because I never had that instilled in me nor modelled before me. So, in a sense, I was still confused and lost with no for real goals or vision in mind. Only a fairy tale of what society and tv placed in me. Guess you can say I was focused on the wrong things at this point huh?
Little did I know, that I had so much more in me that will push me far beyond working for corporate America. This is still a work in progress currently, but I have a divorce to thank for pushing me to where I am now. More on that later.
Pushing People Away
Anyhow, during this process, I had not seen how judgmental I had gotten over the years. I was so focused on this perfect image and doing everything a church girl should do to be perfect. I started pushing people away who did not live up to the Bible’s standards. I found myself growing deeper in religion and not deeper in a relationship with God and His people. I didn’t realise that EVERYONE was His people, no matter if they confessed to the lifestyle I confessed to or not.
So, just realising that part, now I see I missed and passed up what could have grown into wonderful friendships and stronger family bonds. I pushed people away that I was supposed to grow and learn from. In the event, I pushed people away who was supposed to grow and learn from me as well. During this time, I had let go of a relationship that was not bad at all, but because he did not help me on the journey of celibacy, and with the advice of the church, I let him go.
By now, you can probably imagine the “what-if”s that started to swarm my mind. The “I probably would have been in such-n-such place by now if I had stayed with such-n-such.”
Looking So Perfect
Life was good for me, right? I ended getting married to a youth minister. He was loved and adored by everyone, even me. We were super good friends. Almost like brother and sister. We cared and protected each other that much. No sex before marriage. Just good friends and church buddies in ministry. We were the perfect match according to church standards.
I couldn’t understand why it was so hard for others to live right according to the Bible. I couldn’t understand why it was so hard for people to hop on board. If you do that then you will get everything you prayed for right? Well, I got my husband, my home, my son, became a youth teacher, started school to obtain my bachelors so I can become an accountant, and was looking so perfect to everyone around me.
Choices
But Then Life Happened. The divorce happened. The bankruptcy happened. The hitting rock bottom happened. This was the turning point for me that caused me to see how imperfect and judgmental I had grown over the years. It showed me that it was time to be a little more sensitive towards people, realising that we all will go through situations that are hard to get up from. I realised that it takes strength to make the right choices. Even when everything is not handed to you when, where, and how you want it to be in life.
The choices I made in life on this journey led me to be the founder of Conquering Relationships blog. The story is to be continued.

I'm Brandy, mother of one who loves reading, skating, buying hats, buying colourful shoes, and buying colourful lipsticks for no reason at all.
I'm very introverted, but over time I've been coming out of my shell. My past experiences and the observation of today's relationships has pushed me into the passion for creating the blog Conquering Relationships.
I want to interact with a variety of men and women on getting to know your thoughts on relationships. We all come from various experiences and we don't think alike, so I created my blog to help us try to focus on being more positive and less judgmental.
I'm hoping people will feel free to voice their thoughts and be willing to receive views that will help them grow in the areas they lack in with communication and perception. Everything in our lives happened because of a choice we made.
So, in order to bounce back and have more positive, successful relationships and friendships, we must first do the HARD PART: which is to examine ourselves and the part we played. I want us to work daily on being more productive, positive, and resourceful in our encounters with people that cross our path.
www.brandyyates.com is the website.
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This is really inspiring, some people really need to understand that no matter how well you plan your life it can’t just be perfect, it takes a little bit of life happening for us to truly understand and appreciate life itself.
Yes that is very true. I know it took for life to happen to me, in order to get this revelation. Thanks for reading!
Sometimes God will try your faith in him. After struggling in pain, he will do a great things in our lives.
Yes, that is definitely true. Thanks for reading!
This is such a touching and honest blog post that I’m sure most people would have a hard time coming to grips with. It sounds like you’re on track to discovering what is truly important and meaningful for you and your growth.
Thank you for reading. I’m almost all way sure that people don’t like being really honest about stories like these. My first step to doing better was to acknowledging this truth tho.
Self-awareness is key. I am only 23 and I am already beginning the work of figuring out who I am, what I want, and living my values.
You are at the best place then. It’s better to find yourself and figure out who you are early on than go through purposely living a life you never should have lived, to only have to be forced to start over and re-figure everything out all over again later on in life.
You dont realize how much the things you are surrounded by as a child affect the choices you make and don’t make as an adult, until you’re pushed way out of your comfort zone. Great post.
Thank you and yes ma’am, you are absolutely correct. Our choices is definitely why we are on the path we are on now. They can make or break us.
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you are on a wonderful path now.
Thank you.
Girl you’ve been through a lot! But, I am so happy that you made it through and you’ve learned so many life lessons that will continue to make you a better person! You are beyond blessed and now you get to live the life YOU want! Amen to that!
Thank you and amen
I can relate to your story in so many ways– one, I was raised in the church. 2, I also was very judgmental of those who I didn’t feel lived the “proper” christian life, and 3, I also pushed friends and family away in an attempt to live right and not have them hinder me– but I learned later that I couldn’t have been more wrong. Now I live religion free and I’ve never been happier. Wishing you the best of luck!
I promise I am where you are. Trying to live more free of religion and do more valuing of relationships/friendships.
Most people spend their adult lives trying to fulfill needs from childhood. In fact, that’s what most relationships are. I’m glad you’ve been able to grow and help pass on your wisdom to others.
Isn’t that something? Most of us spend our adult lives trying to fulfill needs from our childhood. Wow. Great point!
I loved this! Sometimes we get so focused on what we think is the right things that we forget to live and experience the things that are going to make us grow. Trying to be perfect is so impossible and only leads us to more heartbreak. I’m glad that through your bad times and pin you came out stronger wiser and better! Keep climbing up!!!
You are totally right, trying to live a perfect life does nothing but lead us to heartbreak. Thank you, I will continue to climb. I pray the same for you!
As a therapist, I noticed that there a lot of people who try so hard to escape the generational trauma that they sometimes miss the work that needs to be done on themselves to truly end it. It sounds like you are on that journey of self-healing now. Thank you for being open about your experience.
You are so right and I never thought of it like that until now on the journey that I am on even after the divorce. I realize that’s exactly what I did and I noticed that a lot of other people are doing that as well.. thanks for reading and thank you for your input cuz it was definitely on point.
It’s a beautiful thing when you can find a blessing in a tough situation
Yes it most definitely is. And the story is to be continued. So much more I’ve been through on my journey. Thanks for reading!!,
So transparent and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Thank you for reading!
You’re a tough woman for sharing your story. Such an inspiration Brandy.
Thank you so much. And this was only a snippet and a nicer version of it lol. This took courage to write even this much because I am also a very private person.
I love your honesty and reflectiveness. I think we can all be a little judgmental sometimes, especially when we are on a spiritual path and want everyone else to be on our level. Although I like to think of myself as open-minded, I can often get frustrated with people for not making changes, especially when they themselves want these changes (for instance, saying they want to quit drinking). I have come to realize that everyone is on their own path and for some people, making these changes can be a struggle.
I absolutely feel like you just spelled out everything I came to realize over time. And you are absolutely correct.
Reading this, I have to admit, my own divorced led to a much happier life 😉
Sadly most people’s divorce does lead to a better life. That’s why I don’t necessarily agree with “the grass is not greener on the other side.” For me it was.
Such a resilient lady! I admire you for sharing your story
Thank you. I am all about transparency.
What a thoughtful story! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for reading. I followed your instagram, but could not figure out how to subscribe to your blog or any other social platform.
Hi! It was my pleasure to read your post! When it comes to my blog, you can subscribe on WP Reader or now you can subscribe on my home page 🙂
I did sign up for notifications for your blog. However, I did not see where I can share your content to social media. I’m not sure if my phone is glitching or not.
Hi Brandy! It’s a great pleasure for me to have you signed up for my blog! Thank you for feedback related to social media. You can find now available share buttons on my page. I truly appreciate you sharing my content!
Great story that u shared
Thank you 🙂
Thanks for reading!
A heart-tugging story to say the least. For many we get this false sense of who we should be, act and a lifestyle to aspire to based on a illusion that springs forth from a variety of places. All of it, is not who we ruly are. Many times it takes us to a place or we end up in a place we don’t want to be. Not who or where we are supposed to be. We hit rock-bottom with a thud. But, many times hitting that place can be the start of looking up and moving to a better a place for us.
Yessss, that’s exactly what happened to me.
Thank you for sharing this story! Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realise that something wasn’t right…
No problem. Our stories are testimonies to help other ppl as well as ourselves.